Tom's Notes—Home or Away

Not knowing where home is makes feeling homesick a confusing business.

I'm English, so you'd think England would always be "home" for me. But I never knew what I loved about England until I went to live in Japan.

Life, in practice, was better in Tokyo: customer service was excellent; there were more cafes, record stores, clothes shops and commodities from around the world, than any other place I've been; it was safe; it was affluent. But it was ugly. I'll be frank. The Japanese idea of a park is often just a tree with an uncomfortable bench next to it—some ghastly granite statue or concrete fountain put in for good measure. No pomp no majesty; nothing even close to the architectural and natural splendour citizens of London, Paris, Rome, Berlin, Barcelona, Prague, Moscow, Washington, or New York enjoy. The new the old, the natural—it was all equally hideous. I realized that a large part of life was missing for me in Japan: the aesthetic.

You can grin and bear it. I did for almost 10 years. But life becomes an empty chore.

At least, mine did. I don't think this holds for all people; take a look around you—it's obvious that aesthetics aren't everyone's top priority. Living in Japan made me realize though, they are for me.

I knew I'd get a bit more soul-food living in England. So when the chance came to go back, I grasped it. Now we're back, guess what. I miss the service, the cafes, the record shops, the clothes shops, the wealth of commodities. I miss the safety. I miss the affluence. I miss it all.

And I know what'd happen if I went back to live in Tokyo—it'd hate it all again.

It's classic case of wanting to have your cake and eat it too. Perhaps the only solution is think of "Home and Away" rather than "Home or Away." But then, I don't know which place is "home" and which is "away."

Go figure...